Shit yer pants, dive in and swim.

I suppose I waited too long t'get this started. Which means there'll be an excess of posts for the next few days and then serious lulls from time t'time. But I guess that's the way it goes. I'm only learning here.

If Ash and D can set up something like this, I reckon I can do it too. They're cool dudes, but they can't split the atom or anything.

And already I've realized one pitfall about this: it looks t'be as if it's an online diary, but everyone you secretly loathe or love will have access to these feelings of yers. Dangerous. Maybe it'll make me a better person in the long run.

"What, you think you're more bombable than me?"

"Hey, there's a few people I know who wouldn't mind rubbing me out."

"More than a few."

10 points to anyone who gets that reference. No wait, 8 points; it's an easy one.

Fucking off t'Turey to pervade the world a little more by teaching an easy language (Coming from someone who only speaks one language) might have been a drawn-out process, but it sure came about rather rashly (Is that a word?) An incredible summer laden with 'za and bike rides turned into a trip to London to see Das Hips (Which from here on in I shall refer to simply as "the band". I think they've earned it. Robbie Robertson might disagree, however.) turned into a 5 am flight from London t'Istanbul.

We landed on the Asian side (Istanbul faction #1-It's the only city in the world the straddles two continents) and our pick up at the airport was nowhere t'be found. Wait; I forgot t'mention that upon landing in Istanbul, we had no Turkish liras. That's fair, right? We had very little currency at all actually; 5 days in London will do that t'you. So you'd assume that becos the first thing you've gotta do is buy a VISA, there'd be an ATM conveniently located, right? Seeing my partner in crime being taken throughout the airport looking for an ATM by an armed guard was one hell of an omen. But so it goes.

My employer, despite being one of the largest chains of English-language schools in the world turned out t'be an administrative mess and jerked me around for a good two weeks. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed having a two-week muck about period, but I'm broke now. I guess that's payback for selling yer soul to the man.

So, the first few weeks here were a bit shit. It wasn't the normal "Moving away from home" bs; I've done that, and drowned my nervousnessnessness in local brew. But oh, t'find a local pub or anything besides "Efes" beer was taxing. That's why it was a bit shit.

But like what's his face in Swingers said, "Why do all of the best bars in Hollywood have t'be hidden?" That's how it rolls here. A city of 12 million makes you work for the brew, and I'm alright with that. If I'm not, I'm learning.

So five weeks later, and it's still rolling. I'd like t'hope I've done some traditional Turkish things so far; riding shotgun in a mini-bus and join in with the driver while he curses at fellow maniac drivers out the window (You want global warming, baby? A city of 12 million and no real subway. Angels cough everytime they fly over Istanbul, man.)

I've checked out live Turkish football, stood for 90 minutes for fear of being labelled as unpassionate by rabid Turkish fans, and then the fear escalted when the riot squad lined the pitch 5 minutes before the final whistle.

I've talked shit about the PKK, the rebel group out Turkey way who kills Turkish soldiers.

These are just a few reminders that I'm hanging out in the Middle East. That and all the damn moustaches. But it's alright; it's how it rolls. Catch me a few beers in and I'll likely be smiling about all of it.

I doubt yer still reading, but if you are thank you. I'm gonna go ahead and go for now, but I'll leave with a photo of a woman which stopped me dead in my tracks. If I had said this a year ago in Poland, it would have been routine. But there's no leggy blondes here. There are however, women like this. That's growing out her head; no optical illusion there, folks.

Check back soon for more stories from the past five weeks, and after those are done, don't check back so often.